Rise up, resist, return

My life in Dharamsala was beginning to feel rather novel like, with quite the cast of characters.

Thus far, it has been rather pleasant being "on my own," I don't exactly feel on my own (could have something to do with Jared and Colin still being here). I expected I'd have so much free time to fill so I bought a book and made all sorts of lists of things to do around town and I've found I haven't needed to use them at all, I just get so swept up in the day. Hanging out with new friends and finding things to do. It is a nice flow. I have this unsettled feeling, however, that I shouldn't stay here too long in Dharamsala. It somehow feels too stagnant. It is a great place, but unless I really get plugged in, what the hell am I really doing here? I just have this bizarre feeling that I need to keep moving, but where? With who? I am making friends, but not viable travel buddies because they are either going to be here for a long time, or are flying back to Sweden soon... Or they live here. I must be patient. Must remind myself that after the 2 months of continuous movement it is ok to stagnate a little. Relax. Not do anything productive or focused... I don't like the way this sounds.

I was talking to my Tibetan friend Sonam again yesterday. He was telling me more of his life story and told me that he has spent nearly 7 years of his life doing prostrations. This seemed astonishing and I asked him more. Apparently when he was 11 years old his mom got very very sick and there was nothing the doctors could do. A very powerful Lama told him to do prostrations all the way to Lhasa from their village (I think there was more to the story than this) and he and his sister did. It took 3 and a half years to go all 2800k from his village to Lhasa, doing prostrations the entire way and begging for food and water. He said his head and arms and legs got swollen and bloody and let me feel the bump on his forehead where he still doesn't have sensation. Apparently when after he made it to Lhasa his mother got a lot better, wasn't sick at all anymore, and is still healthy now. There was some reason, but I can't remember or never actually understood, why he did it again for another 3 years.

7 years!!!??!! And he wants to do it again. Not to Lhasa, but he wants to go on a pilgrimage to the Buddhist holy sites in India and spend a few months doing prostrations in each, but needs sponsorship because it is much different in India. In Tibet, people would support his efforts, and he would be given food and water everywhere he want because people understood what he was doing, but in India the context is different, and he needs money to take care of his needs. He wants to dedicate this sacrifice to freedom in Tibet and world peace. I don't think sacrifice is the word he would use.

It is hard to believe I even know this person. Even harder to believe that he seems like such a normal, sweet guy. He is of course an incredibly devout Tibetan Buddhist, and I have seen this transformation from ordinary dude to super Buddhist. When we went to the temple to get blessings from the Sakya Lama he was seemed to be in a trance mumbling mantras the entire time, and turned into a prostration machine at various points. I noticed how practiced, uniform and effortless his prostrations looked, with many subtle details repeated over and over again. I now know he has had 7 years of practice, plus doing them every day for a short period of time. All I can say is what a different life... Yet I feel like I can relate to him so well on a human to human level.

So a few days ago, on the last day the group was here in the morning, we went down to a monastery in lower Dharamsala to have an audience with the Karmapa Lama (I don't think Lama is officially in his title, people seem to call him the Karmapa) He was an interesting fellow with many interesting facial expressions. Quite quirky, and almost seemed what I sensed to be a little frustrated about answering some of our difficult questions? No, I don't think it was frustration, it was a complex set of emotions. He was very personable and endearing. Difficult to believe I was sitting with, asking questions to and receiving blessings from who will likely take over as spiritual leader of the Tibetan people after the Dalai Lama passes. He is already a great spiritual leader now. I liked his gestures and didn't perceive them as unfriendly. He didn't seem like a holy figure, but a modest guy with a great deal of knowledge and influence.

My question to him was something along the lines of this- I have met so many Tibetan people who are dealing with a great deal of sadness, and even anger. How should people deal with these emotions? Is there a direction they can be channeled so that they can be productive?

He agreed there was a great deal of sadness, and explained that Tibetans have a more spiritual way of thinking, or are at least encouraged to, and view their suffering as a part of their Karma and work with it accordingly trying to purify and generate more compassion.  He said that many people, despite their suffering, have  great deal of compassion and love because of how spiritually advanced they are...
Hmm... I've been fed this answer a lot. By Peg and Ted... By others. I still see the sadness... I still see the anger. It is real easy to get swept away by it. Iy is however this compassion he spoke of... when I was listening to a political prisoner who had been in a Chinese prison for 13 years say that originally he wanted to get revenge on his torturers, but then he came to understand that they needed their jobs to support their families and they had no other choice, and he understood and forgave them... feeling this compassion is what brought me to tears. Watching the videos of the torture and suffering harden my body and make me shiver and close off and shed tears, but the compassion is what opens me up and melts me from the core.

I took part in Tibetan uprising day (which was the day before the Karmapa), went to the temple early in the morning to hear the Dalai Lama speak, and then took the streets with the Tibetan people, shouting slogans for freedom. The slogans were in both English and Tibetan, and the march went on long enough for me to learn most of the Tibetan ones. We marched all the way from upper Dharamsala to lower Dharamsala, about 2 hours down hill. Feeling the pulse of the Tibetan people.

Yes, there is a confusing jumble of emotions surrounding my experience here in Dharamsala with the Tibetan people. Feeling them, feeling this space and being in my own story, exploring and figuring out what I want to do.How can I be supportive? How can I support myself? How can my support be strong yet malleable. How can I allow myself to be supported?