Keep on flowing

responding to my need for movement.

Was feeling a little depressed this morning. Perhaps that's not the right word, but not having a great deal of confidence in my solo-traveling abilities, but I seemd to find myself in the right place at the right time to get a pep talk and a plan from an older woman traveling India alone, who has been doing do for years. She recommended Rishikesh, which isn't all that far from here. Still a days travel, but much closer than anything else worth going to. Yoga Ashrams, meditation, back on the Ganges (the foothills of the Ganges where it comes from the Himalayas, that means CLEAN Ganges, not Ganges that everyone has bathed and spread their relatives ashes in) close to Kumba Mela. Sounds like a good place to explore indeed. I also later met a girl who is interested in traveling there together potentially. The universe seems to be agreeing with this idea.

Traveling solo and fluidly having my needs met by the universe is rather exhilarating. It'll be interesting to see what happens when I move outside of my comfort zone (You know, before I left I'm not entirely sure I would have believed I would have a comfort zone in India). Once I leave Dharamsala I won't have familiar territory. I wont have people I know. I think having Jared and Colin here also make a big difference even though I don't see them too much throughout the day. Well, I think I'm ready for it. I'm feeling good about everything. Feeling open.

I think a number of my problems (I won't go into what my problems are) stem from the fact that I'm not really willing to put all of myself into any one particular thing. This has been manifesting in a number of ways. Makes it difficult to really absorb... To really go there, to really see the world around me. Some part of my perception and being is curled up in a little nest, unwilling to leave the safety of solidity. Solidity of body, of perception. To a certain extent this is probably smart, but I wonder how much I could afford to melt this. Take some emotional and psychological risks? I will keep exploring this duality as time keeps on flowing.

Went to a Buddhist Philosophy class today at the Library and volunteered doing English conversation at GuChuSum. Noticing the changes in my body as well as I walked about 3k up a steep footpath back from the library. It is certainly different. It doesn't shut down anymore, but reliable keeps going through the tiredness. I'm not used to experiencing myself this way.