Epic adventure

Completely epic day, too tempting to buy more internet and blog about it before being away from the web for quite some time. I guess internet/blog is somewhat of an addiction.

I waited around all morning for Alex to get back to go on our day trip to the animistic temple to see the Shaman. What was an 11:00 meeting time turned into a 1:15 departure, which frustrated me a little, especially while dealing with s sprained tendon in my ankle and all the other things that decided to go wrong in my body this morning. When Alex finally showed up, he announced that this was going to be more of a journey, because he didn't actually know the name of the temple, there are about 15 temples in Lampoon and we were just going to have to go and ask around. We could be successful or we may not find anything. Simon, Brittany and I were completely on board for whatever happened.

We took the first of many songtaos to the bus station where we were told we could catch another songtao to Lampoon. Turns out it wasn;''the bus station but some random bridge where we could catch the next songtao. Apparently shit moves around in Thailand a lot. We hopped on an incredibly full songtao, so for the first time on the trip I got to stand on the back of a moving truck and just hold on to the bar. It was pretty exhilerating. I stood on the back like that for the hour long ride and watched chiang mai dissappear behind me into more a rural Thailand. That songtao dropped us off, where we began to walk around and eventually found a temple and began to poke around. (I can't exactly remember the order things happened in) but we soon ended up in a pretty big monestary that was also a school that was full of young preadolescent monks who had a very fearful curiosity of us. We were absolutely the only white people around, and Brittany and I were the only women around for quite a ways. They seemed to keep at least a 15 foot radius from us, so whenever we approached to ask one a question they would back away and maintain their radius, however, they seemed to want to keep that distance and watch us, especially when we went into the temple to make an offering, they all crouded in the window to watch us.

Alex eventually found someone to ask, where he found the name of a temple which was out first lead. We took to the streets to find another songtao. As Alex asked the driver to take us there, the driver conversed with some locals around who seemed bothered by the fact that we wanted to go to this temple, and gave us much contrasting information. Thay all loudly debated in Thai for awhile who knows what, likely where this place was or if we should even be allowed to go there, they didn't seem to like the idea of westerners asking about it, but somehow, and I don't understand howm their opinions seemed to change rather abruptly and they all decided to be helpful. The next songtao took us further out of town, and dropped us off where we needed to walk around and seek more information. Alex found someone to talk to again at another temple, who told him where the place was, but told him that it likely wouldn't be open and we should go earlier in the day, and that it was another 30k out of town. We all debated what to do, and Alex called Peg to see if it would be possible to take us tomorrow and have us go to Mesat later than everyone else, Peg said no to that idea and told us to just interview people around. It wasn't a very thrilling idea, and we all felt a little discouraged. We collectively made the decision to go to the place anyway, because we only had today, and we felt like we needed to try anyway, even though it wasn't likely to be fruitful. The first songtao offered us a price that was way too high, and didn't seem to want to take us, so we decided not to take it. I think we were all feeling fairly discouraged and just walking around rather aimlessly at that point when we found another songtao. This one offered to take us for 600 baht, still quite a high price, but he seemed more willing. We had already spent so much money on transportation to make it that far, and Alex told us we could only do it if we were willing to throw down our own money to go. We all were pretty willing to throw down 100 baht each to take the chance, and all got in and took off.

Alex fell asleep on the ride, and as he did so the driver, who knew we were students and took a personal investment in our success, stopped 3 times to ask localsd for directions and advocate on our behalf. It was quite amazing of him. The songtao took us forther and further out into the middle of no where until finally we found the place. There was absolutely no one around, and the songtao driver went in first and likely found a monk and told them what we were doing there, and they let us in. We went up stairs where we met a monk whon was covered in traditional tattoos who was sitting there preparing ink for ritual traditional thai tattoos. You could feel this guy immediatly, sitting there without a shirt on in a room covered in shrines and sacred objects of all kind mixed with random junk, his torso and arms completely covered in traditional thai tattoos (I don't think monks generally go around with their chests uncovered) At first he seemed to wonder what we were doing there. The songtao driver, surprisingly enough, was a big help at explaining what we were doing there, he soon seemed pretty open to talking to us and answering our questions. he answered our questions aboutn the purpose of the tattoos, and how they are done and the rituals involved. Brittany asked what was in them, and Alex seemed to have some trouble translating. He said it was something from the stomach of monkeys or tigers. Lion bile. We asked him how he got it, and he told us apparently it wasn;t that hard to come by he just paid people for it. He also showed us some of the other minerals and roots that go into the dye, and showed us the lion bile in liquid form. He took a little bit on his finger and tasted it, and then gave us a cap full to examine, and seemed to motion that we could taste it, We all kind of looked at each other about this one. I have to admit (which I shouldn't) that yes... I tasted tiger bile. The tiniest finger full had a powerful bitter taste, and I could feel its effects for some time, having no idea exactly what it would do to me. It almost made me feel a little buzzed, and I could feel it in my stomach for a little while. Woah.

He then, after answering more questions for us, took us into another room and showed us the toold involved, and let us look through a book of drawings he had done of traditional tattoos. He said normally a monk wouldn't even let a woman touch these things, it would be very bad energy. He said however, it didn't matter if someone was strong enough, therte wouldn't be a curse because he was strong enough, and he understood that we were students and seemed to feel comfortable sharing with us what wouldn't traditionally have been shared. The information is very sacred, and can't really be learned anywhere, it is something passed down from teacher to student in a very ritualistic, sacred manner. It was a huge honor for him to share with is, and show us those things. I learned a huge amount of information that would not have otherwise been available to me in any circumstances. It was an incredibly sacred experience. He, at the end, gave us all little tiny ganesh statues which he had blessed. He handed mine to me, and sort of laughed about that, because apparently monks aren't really allowed to hand things directly to women, and vice versa. This monk, however, seemed to be incredibly powerful, and had a huge spiritual presence.

After we left, I had a huge feeling of disorientation like I usually would after a really sacred experience, I was in total disbelief and awe about what had happened. One of the things he said about the tattoos is that they were very good luck, and spiritual protection, and it made him happy that he was helping people. After getting one, someone could be hit by a car or fall into water and be ok. Someone could shoot themself in the head and the bullet wouldn't reach their brain. I think the tiger bile had that sort of effect on us as well. Alex, while leaning out the window of our songtao on the way back to talk to the driver, dropped his ganesh statue on the highway. Our driver stopped on the side of the road, and he ran out to go get and and managed to find it, and neither it nor the box had been harmed.

We then went to traditional thai barbique, where they have a ton of raw meat buffet style, and you have a little traditional stove.bbq on your table and grill up the meat yourself and have yout own broth and add in all your ingrediants. We all gorged ourselves on delicious food. It was a pretty damn incredible day.

strained achilles tendon and slight eye infection (possibly) right before we go into the remote karen village and the real physical labor begins...

 

universes sense of humor? must be.

 

Hopefully I can just laugh along.

Its raining in Thailand?

There have been short downpours the last few days here. That is pretty unheard of in January in Thailand, the rainy season starts in July usually, and it is dry the rest of the time. Perhaps we brought the rain from washington with us? The permies at the Panya Project, a permaculture farm somewhere between Chiang Dao and Chiang Mai that we visited yesterday were pretty stoked about it.

 

I'm feeling a little depressed today. Not for any particular reason, just experiencing one of the sides of the natural ebb and flow. Perhaps what is natural has gotten incredibly out of whack through all this transition. I'm sure I'll bounce back soon enough, I just feel pretty out of my element. Interpersonal relations between me and the group aren't fantastic, and there is one person who has taken a rather personal disliking to me. I don't think this would bother me if I were in more of a place of power, but I'm not exactly in my comfort zone.

 

Tomorrow Alex is taking me on a day trip to go to a shamanic temple and see a shaman for my project. I'm pretty excited, no idea what that'll be like.

 

You know, you don't need an account to comment. Feel free to comment, it would be eally cool to see who is reading this.

Chiang Dao

In Chiang Dao (or rather somewhat outside of it) at a place called Malee's. It is a really beautiful place surrounded by jungle and mountains out of the way of any cities but with all the comforts of home. I really like it out here. We keep doing the sharp contrast between cities and villagesque situations. We haven't exactly done a real village yet, these places have been more like retreat centers. The real fun starts in the Keran village we're going to next to do the microhydro project.

I don't actually think that monk in Chiang Mai was insulting me. I realized after I had misunderstood him, and it had just been me generating enough negativity to hear him that way. I've been having some interpersonal issues with the group, and perhaps I've also been experiencing some of the symptoms of culture shock. I was having a rough time yesterday and the day before in that sense, but still enjoying the places around me. Its almost impossible not to feel at peace with such beaity around me. I don't think I've ever been around this much undestroyed natural beauty.

The cities have their own appeal as well. Chiang Mai is a great city where it seems like almost anything is possible. I'm excited to spend some more time there. We went to an amazing vietnamise restauraunt that had some of the best food I've ever eaten.

This area that I'm in now outside of Chiang Dao has one of Peg's favorite monestaries. I can easilly see why. To get to it you have to walk up 500 steps. Along the way are little signs with buddhist teachings. The monestary is amazing. I woke up at 5 yesterday to sit for an hour and do yoga as the sun rose. Wanted to do a hike up the mountain, but realized early in it was going to be too challenging for me and turned back. During the free time I had on the way back (probably the first solid amount of time on me own) I went down to the little town where there were a bunch of old women selling herbs. They were all selling the exact same things right next to each other, something that seems to only be able to happen in Thailand. They didn't speak any english, but it was really enjoyable watching them pantamime to me the uses of the different herbs.

Today I slept in a bit (which means woke up at 8) and checked out an art center today where they do theater for social change, and then the whole group went to an orphanage.

Will return to Chiang Mai tomorrow, then off to the Keran village in a few days, then to INDIA! I believe my internet usage will be much scarcer after the next few days.

Chiang Mai night Market yesterday, market for locals this afternoon. Big contrast between the two. I read the chapter in our book about the Chaing Mai night bizarre before going so I was able to observe some of the social networks, heirarchy of spacial ownership and relations occuring on a little bit of a deeper level. I did, however, get carried away in the flurry of bright colors, sounds and smells. I was caught up in the game with a very external focus, completely out of my body, looking at all the goods surrounding me, looking for what I wanted, trying to bargain the sellers down from their rediculous tourist prices. It was a lot of fun. Thwe few moments I did remember my somatic mission, I realized how disembodied I had before, not feeling my breath, not feeling my feet, eyes glazed over, sore. Really difficult place to be in the body. Forgetting I even had an intention to do that in the first place. I got a few pairs of pants, I'm not sure exactly how much I like them upon reexamination this morning.

 

All 8 of us ladies went out together last night and somehow managed to not lose each other. As we sat at a rather chill bar outside off the main stretch we got approached one after another by children selling roses and little galands, hill tribe women and even elephants. It really made me sad to see the elephants being treated that way.

 

Today Simon and I went to the locals market, which was a much less aggressive atmosphere, and considering that the prices begin much lower, much less bargaining is required. After this, a group of us walked to one of the main temples to talk to some monks for our project. The temple, Wat Chedi Luang, completely blew me away.

 

We talked to a monk from Cambodia named A for awhile who spoke quite good English. I was immediatly struck by his presence. He really lives what to most is a theoretical concept. Gazing into his eyes was like looking into a mirror, my awareness being brought deep with myself. He had quite the sense of humor as well. The group of us asked questions while he talked at length about how we're all mirrors of each other, imperminance, how he;s both a student and a teacher all the time, acceptance and duty.

 

I went into the interview hoping to get a sense of his relationship to his body and to his self. Not exactly something I could diretly ask about, so I hoped to get a sense of it from his answers to other questions. Interesting how he, and others in the monastic order, embody a belief and a relationship to their bodies of impermnance. They do not own their bodies. they accept to a great degree that everything is constantly changing, and although the mind is a powerful thing, they have no control of it and there is truly nothing to grasp onto. However, they seem to be more present in themselves and more awarwe of both themselves and the world around them than many can claim to be. I could tell just by being in the presence of this guy. In his presence, especially at first, I felt much more clarity than I'd felt in awhile. I felt grounded in my body and my mind, and clear in my intentions. The air around me seemed to take on a thicker, more purquality, like water.

 

This peace and clarity lasted for awhile, and then he began to ask us what we were studying in school. I told him somatic psychology and gestured to my own body, telling him it was the psychology of the body. he immediately told me I was in the wrong psychology. That psychology doesn't study from the personal experience, but from other sources like books and other people, and isn't authentic. Just knowledge, not knowing. I tried to object, telling him that I study from personal experience. If only he could know how much this was the case, but he wouldn't have it. I could feel a hot steam clouding over my pool of clarity. In that moment I felt defensive, like I had something to prove to this monk. How could he assume that I don't embody my knowledge? How could he not know that I never blindly task in information from books without having persoanlly experienced it to be true myself? I DO LEARN FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND I'VE FRAMED MY ENTIRE EDUCATIONAL EXPERIENCE AROUND MY OWN BODY AND EXPERIENCE, DAMNIT!

 

Breath... return to senses, and it passes.

 

What was that wave of defensiveness? This person doesn't know me persoanlly. He doesn't know what I study or how I study, and as for wanting to prove something to him, that is all ego. He doesn't have to know or believe that I know what I know for me to still embody it. And perhaps I need to again be reminded to study from my own experience. Not to compare my experience to what I'd like it to be, or to other people's experiences.

 

I couldn't really stay focused on our conversation after this, my md drifted to my project, and further ideas and intentions for it. I remembered some of how to be in my body again. How to stay connected and further how to pursue this project the way i wanted to before I began feeling this loss of poer. What typem of questions to ask.

 

I've been feeling like I've been drifting further and further from myself, but what does that mean? I'm always here, not missing anything. I guess I'm having trouble surrendering to the fact that things are different. What i thought of as me was merely a set of circumstances layered upon eachother both internally and externally. Those aren't my circumstances right now. All of those external factors are extremely fragile, and frankly not worth the energy to cling onto, especially since there is nothing solid to grasp. My enviornment is different, bringing out different characteristics and I likely have a lot to learn by observing how I respond to them.

 

well, I'm probably going to eat some good food tonight and go to the night market again. Hopefully more this time as a somatic anthropologist and less as a consumer. Tomorrow we head to Chiang Dao for a few days where we

ll go ofin a few directions depending on interest, and then come back to Chaing Mai again.

Back from the first village experience more dirty and dready for the ware.

Lots of experiences in the last few days. It feels like it has been much longer than a little under a week, but simeltaniouslym I can't really believe I've been here so long. Home, as well as those there, feels pretty distant. On the way to the train station to Kanchanaburi a few days ago we had a mix up with the times and ended up with 3 free hours to explore. I borrowed the sense of directions of 2 other ladies and explored the various markets and shopping streets. Got5 my first pair of Thai fisherman pants which I later ripped to shreds at the waterfall.

The bungalow at the village had us all crammed into one giant room seperated by levels and partitioned off mosquito netting sections for 4 of us. It was a difficult sleep situation for me, but I felt alright anyway. I think the malarone may be affecting me sleep, and have since then switched to taking it in the morning, which I think has helped.

The cave and the waterfalls in Erawan national park were beyond amazing. The waterfalls, which there were 7 of in total, became increasingly more breathtaking as you hiked up. One had waterslides constructed out of slightly concave boulders. The 7th one was by completely astonishing. I climbed up the waterfall and the calcified rocks surprisingly weren't the least bit slippery. I think this park may be my favorite place. Ever. Straight up. I've been to some beautifulm places, I realize this is saying a lot, but hands down most beautiful.

I'm certainly having some trouble with the group. They aren;t exactly the people I would have chosen to travel with, and I constantly go back an forth. They continuouslty throw me for a loop. When I decide they're a culturally inscensitive group of jerks they surprise me by doing something compassionate, when I decide they are sweet and compassionate one of them does something incredibly insensitive again. I suppose it can;t be nailed down, and there is likely a reason it is turing out this way. I'm really glad to have Jessica on the trip.

I conducted a really great interview with Wan Pen, our hostess at the village. I was able to take inititive and construct an interview before Alex, our translator left on the first day. It was about health and healing, and her experience with spirituality in general. Through the interview I was hoping to be able to construct a larger view of her and the regional cosmology of health and illness, and I was remarkable successful. My project seems to be taking off pretty well, but I'm not entirely sure what direction it'll take next.

I've really been delighted to interact with the local thais, and I've been milking the few words I know as much as I can. Even just making eye contact and gesturing is really rewarding. It sets me apart from a group which is largely not ready to adapt and assimilate and seems pretty content with being a group of loud Americans. Every chance I've gotten I've tried to have interactions with Thais. I'm surprisingly not shy about this. It probably has a lot to do with their warmth, especially Wan Pen and Mr. Hay. Anything from helping with the dishes to helping crush chili peppers. I like being just that much more saturated into the culture.

This morning I got up around 6:30 and hiked up to the Golden Buddha on the hill and meditated for awhile. Good way to start the day.

Well, I just ate the best bowl of Tom Ka I've ever had. Been a long travel day, and its about to get longer. 14 hour night train to Chiang Mai tonight. I'm excited to be in Chiang Mai.

The smells in bankok are rather assaulting and manage to smell both good and bad at the same time.

 

We're heading to the first vilage this morning. First to a small town by train and then there. I completely passed out last night, and al 4 of us in the room all woke up at 3 am. We slept a little longer, but got up pretty early and had breakfast.

 

I was stil hungry after breakfast and went to the market and got some fried bananas at the market. They were delicious!

The first day

I already have some pictures, imagine that!

This is a photo from flying over Russia.

heres an academic reflection I wrote just a little while ago for our first assignment:

Oh my, what a flurry these last few days have been. From bellingham to the san juans to seatle to korea and now to Thailand? I'm not sure it exactly set in until I was recieving a thai massage this afternoon. A thai massage IN Thaland, no way!
I am now reminded to focus on my project again. My main focus over the last few days has been on myself and my immediate experience. processing, monitoring my ebergy levels and integrating all the new experiences coming at me. On the plane ride and while landing that was especially important. This focused attention on my own experience, however, is likely a good thing when it comes to a project in somatic psychology. I describe my project as mainly being centered around somatic psychology. How people experience themselves and their own bodies in these cultures we visit through the lens of my own body and my own experience. I am interested in their sense of agency over their own body and how this is impacted by religion, etc. Culture shapes what movement is available. In addition, I want to focus on medicine health and healing. I want to get a sense of peoples personal health cosmologies and how this is impaced and plays into a larger cultural body. I am also looking at rites of passage. Perhaps around the stages of life, and how theses are recognized and honored by a community. How these are understood is especially important to me. This idea that a culture must recognize something for it to exist as a reality has been especially present for me. One of my biggest struggles so far is in this area. The people in this group are pretty different from me. I usually forget what a unique subculture I'm in until it is challenged. It has been a challenge to still hold my own space amongst a group of people with different interests and intelligence focused in different topics. My immediate enviornment, the people in it and the possibilities available impact me and what ispossible for me a great deal. I believe this is also true for culture to a great degree. I wonder how I can approach this problem and how I can stretch the possibilities for myself and what project ideas are available. I'm already pleased at the ideas I've come up with.

The orientation was interesting. I feel I already have a lot of background on Buddhism and Hibduism from being exposed culturally, vipassana, and taking a religion and society in India class last quarter. The orientation game me some more background information and gave a sense of how they manifest in the cultures we'll be visiting and what to look for. I can already tell I'll be interested in how Mahayana and Thereveda buddhism compare and contrast in practice in Thailand and Dharamasala.
Last night was mainly about dealing with extreme exhaustion and extremes. My body is very bsensitive to transitions, so I've had to nurture that a great deal. I woke this morning with a good deal of enthusiasm ready to start my day and fairly well rested. In the brief interactions I had with people throughout the city, I noticed the contact is crude, loud and very fast. I was yelled at several times to move faster or do something. It wasn't done in such a way that felt personal, just a general sense of keeping order and maintaining a very fast pace. It is difficult to know very much right now about anyone or how they experience themselves. I am viewing them through my own cultural lens, and I havent felt been able to open up very much yet. I'm waiting for some sort of spark to get me going, some idea to take off on, but as for now, these people feel very different from me. Why is that, I wonder? I imagine once I'm able to relax more and really open my somatic channels, I'll be able to feel them. Feel them on the channels I'm not necesarilly most accustomed to tuning into, and I'll be able to get a better sense of them through my own body. If I open up enough I'll be able to feel their agency, their beliefs, their experience in their bodies.
The most intimate contact I've made so far is getting a thai massage. Normally, in my culture, healers are expefcted to communicate, to share an open dialogue while healing is occuring about what is ok, pressure, etc. With a thai healer, my experience was that this dialogue didn't exist. This likely had a lot to do with language barriers, but also likely because with a traditional practitioner of another culture, it is expected to hand over all the authority of the experience to them. I felt ok handing it over to her and allowing her to use whatever kind of pressure she wanted with me, and trusted that she knew what she was doing.

I encountered many bodymaps today. Ayervedic bodymaps on the walls of a temple, reflexology body maps. These are great because they give me a sense of how the body understands and contextualizes the body. I wonder the extent to which these beliefs will be reflected in the individuals.
At this point, it seems my project is taking off nicely. I think my efforts will best be focused on keeping meticulous embodied journals. I think it will also be helpful for me to every day write a short synthesis of the day and the themes experienced. I discovered this morning when I tried to use my video camera it didn;t work, so if this continues to be the case my project may end up different than I expected it, but it wasn't exactly as if I had a specific form in mind for it.



It is pretty exciting to be here! I wish I had the energy to blog more, but I must get off the internet! Enjoy the pictures, they are of our hotel, the royal palice, another temple and around a little bit.

More pre trip writing

I think I am realizing the fact that I won’t be completely nurtured and in my psychic, emotional and bodily comfort zone during this trip will be a great opportunity. This trip is really going to be about holding myself. Holding my own space. Not relying on things external to me (people, environments, tools) to hold space for me and my worldview, my thought process, my inspiration. I have a big tendency throughout my life to place parts of myself outside myself, and then find that I don’t have access when those people and things aren’t around me. I have much more of a foundation now, and I think that foundation is really going to be tested, pushed and expanded.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of project I want to do while on this trip, and I’ve been getting a lot of ideas down. Its so tempting to want to talk to Scot or Leslie more, try to pull from them little gems of ideas and inspiration and things I never would have thought of, but this isn’t about what kind of project they would be able to do while abroad, this really is about the project I am most drawn to do, what I am capable of, and what inspires me. It is hard to let go of all that it could be, but exciting to embrace what is.

I feel some reservations with this blog. I don’t want to filter myself in here, It is important to me to have an outlet to my home world where I can be authentic. I’m thinking about how some may not be used to my authentic expression, how that hasn’t been readily shared in the past. Rather than creating separate blogs for friends, parents and friends of my parents, I want to challenge myself to feel safe expressing authentically and not be thinking about how it may be reacted to. Just thought I would mention this hesitation before I left.

I talked to Ruby today on the phone about her experiences traveling in SE Asia. It was so inspiring, and gave me a lot of ideas about traveling around Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam. There are so many possibilities. Needless to say I’m getting really excited!

The trip is rapidly approaching, and I'm getting excited. I was previously feeling pretty confident and centered, but an intense experience I had illuminates just how fragile my personal state of well being actually is, and my entire grip on reality. I'm excited to learn a lot about this, and give a push when necessary. It'll be interesting to observe how I change as my environment changes, what is asked of me changes and as the external things I identify with as "me" change.