More pre trip writing

I think I am realizing the fact that I won’t be completely nurtured and in my psychic, emotional and bodily comfort zone during this trip will be a great opportunity. This trip is really going to be about holding myself. Holding my own space. Not relying on things external to me (people, environments, tools) to hold space for me and my worldview, my thought process, my inspiration. I have a big tendency throughout my life to place parts of myself outside myself, and then find that I don’t have access when those people and things aren’t around me. I have much more of a foundation now, and I think that foundation is really going to be tested, pushed and expanded.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of project I want to do while on this trip, and I’ve been getting a lot of ideas down. Its so tempting to want to talk to Scot or Leslie more, try to pull from them little gems of ideas and inspiration and things I never would have thought of, but this isn’t about what kind of project they would be able to do while abroad, this really is about the project I am most drawn to do, what I am capable of, and what inspires me. It is hard to let go of all that it could be, but exciting to embrace what is.

I feel some reservations with this blog. I don’t want to filter myself in here, It is important to me to have an outlet to my home world where I can be authentic. I’m thinking about how some may not be used to my authentic expression, how that hasn’t been readily shared in the past. Rather than creating separate blogs for friends, parents and friends of my parents, I want to challenge myself to feel safe expressing authentically and not be thinking about how it may be reacted to. Just thought I would mention this hesitation before I left.

I talked to Ruby today on the phone about her experiences traveling in SE Asia. It was so inspiring, and gave me a lot of ideas about traveling around Thailand, Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam. There are so many possibilities. Needless to say I’m getting really excited!