This doesn't make a lot of sense, I just need an outlet for all the crazy things I'm feeling right now.

Well, I'm home... It feels really fucking weird. Definitely in the throws of some extreme reverse culture shock. In addition to the normal levels of reverse culture shock that I should be experiencing, I am also kind of dealing with the trauma and confusion of the way that my trip ended... I don't necessarily want to get into the specifics of that. Just all isn't what I would have expected, not that I ever had any strong expectations in mind for what it would be like coming home, or how my trip should come to a close. I must say, it all happened very fast, and in a very odd rush.

Feeling emotional extremes, crying a lot... also feeling nothing... not sure how I can exactly be experiencing both at once.

Got in in the afternoon yesterday. My body had no idea what time it was, and rather than try and stay up until evening and go to sleep at a normal time I just passed out. I slept most of the afternoon, got up in the evening to eat, and went back to sleep. Slept very intermittently. Had a lot of weird dreams, including driving and there being cows on the freeway (which in India wouldn't be that weird...) Driving... I don't know if I even remember how to drive a car...

What do I do here? I'm sure everything will go back to "normal" and things will start making some sense again soon, but for now... I don't know. I don't really feel ready to be happy and exuberant right now. I feel really reserved for the moment. Not ready to receive the world... not ready to actually be here... be home. Be in the present moment. Not ready to be in my experience...

I know there is much to receive. So much love from everyone. Means so much to hear that people are happy I'm home and want to see me. I don't really know what I need right now... Do I need to push myself into the world again? Do I need to just let myself sit here and cry and process? I don't know. I wish I could take my focus off myself and the uncertainty around what I need right now.

Well... hmm... Leslie reminds me that not being sure if things are ok or not is certainly an improvement from being sure that they're not ok. Yes. Perspective.

Ok... advice to self... breath. Relax. Don't be hard on yourself. At all. Let yourself rest, even excessively. Stop getting so lost in ideas. The answer is, and has always been... come back to the present moment, the breath... everything is ok. Everything is as it should be. (Thanks Jo)